My honey’s niece heard an interesting story about me last Thanksgiving and asked if she could interview me for a project for her college Social Justice class.

Here is the result:

YouTube LINK

So I went.

It was scheduled from 9:00am to 9:30pm and I bailed around 2:30. I found that five hours was plenty this go-around. And the “spiritual meeting” was last on the agenda — and was something that I had no desire to see, hear or feel.

I ran into several close companions and mission buddies — Rodriguez, Emerick, Brino, Serra, Neves, Homolka and Gava and it was truly a great experience. I felt so welcomed and we all shed a few tears, choked on a few laughs and shared remembrances.

This emotional pleasantness reminded me that real relationships are built on trust, mutual respect and friendship — and that those outlast and outweigh anything built solely on mutually-shared beliefs.

While I was asked several times if I was, “married, have children?” I responded that I was not married and had no children. And then came the , “Were you ever married?” followed by, “Just didn’t find the right one?”

I happily agreed that they had hit it on the head and we left it at that. This was not the time nor place to discuss my sexuality or my relationship with my honey. Those who are my friends on Facebook should have already figured it out — and seem to have no problems with “it” or me (and four of these are listed above).

Only one former missionary and his wife asked me, “So, Elder, are you still “firm” in the church?” — fully expecting that I would say yes.

When I responded, “No.” they actually flinched and then he said, “That makes me very sad”.

I responded that I was very happy and that he had no reason to be sad on my behalf.

They both thought carefully for a moment and then we continued our conversation in another direction, with me not perceiving any appreciable change in how they were treating or talking to me.

I had expected the worst today and was willing subject myself to this reunion in order to gut-check my own feelings, beliefs and emotions.

I did okay.

Bags backed and first flight completed. Now I’m just waiting for my connecting flight to São Paulo in the Houston airport.

This is LDS General Conference weekend and probably a good time for me to be out of town, as I will be reliant on non-real-time media to report the proceedings, which will keep my blood pressure lower.

This is the one rumored to have a woman offer a prayer during at least one of the sessions — a huge stride for Mormonism, but an embarrassment that women are still largely relegated to 2nd-class status.

When I mention to Mormon friends that women were not allowed to pray in Sacrament meeting until 1978, they recoil in horror as if they were finally discovering that their church is really NOT the “only true church”. Then they quickly recover once the mantra of “we have a living prophet and he receives revelations from god” resurfaces in their little brainwashed heads — which appeases any demons that may have arisen to cause such doubt.

I can’t wait to hear President of the Quorum of the Twelve Boyd Packer flail from his wheelchair about the evils of homosexuality, as he is always wont to do — especially with the recent Supreme Court arguments around California’s Prop 8 and the federal Defense of Marriage Act.. I chuckle to think of how predictable he is — and how uninspired and uninspiring.

A friend pointed out last week that many general authorities who have come from regions and jobs outside of “Zion” seem to have a much more pragmatic view of things and are rather more accommodating when it comes to homosexuality.

I reminded him that Packer came from Brigham City and the Church Educational System and he said, “Well, that just proves my point”.

So we were having brunch with our friend this morning and he said, “We were at the library for the candlelight vigil for Mary Geequality last week…”.

I wondered who Mary was, how she had died and why he acted as if we should know her.

Then I realized what he had actually said.

I’m glad we have friends who support Marriage Equality

A sea of red “equality” icons washed over Facebook’s user profiles on Tuesday and Wednesday this week to encourage, honor and support the Supreme Court’s agreement to hear challenges against “The Defense of Marriage Act” and California’s Prop 8.

Here is mine–

I would say that most people who did not agree, remained relatively silent and respectful. Except for my LDS 2nd cousin.

Here is what I wrote in response to her unbelievably passive-agressive post of the LDS church’s ”The Family — A Proclamation to the World”:

I’m almost shaking as I do not do this lightly:

I just de-friended an LDS (Mormon) member of my family whose sole response to the Supreme Court’s ongoing consideration of marriage/benefits equality — and apparently the red “equality” signs all over Facebook — was to post the LDS church’s 1995 “The Family — A Proclamation to the World” with no other comment — but very telling in its timing, on today of all days.

This document basically states that, “…marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children”.

Further, it states that anyone who abides outside of that parameter, “will one day stand accountable before God” and continues, “… we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

Had she encouraged an actual dialog or made an attempt to understand that some may not believe or feel the same as she does — and that there are indeed, many shades of grey in this world — I would have embraced this. Because of the way this was done (“in your face, infidels”), I regretfully say, goodbye.

You took your stand. I take mine.

Her grandmother (and my aunt) also unfriended at least one of my cousins (her niece) who had the audacity to state that she supported marriage equality. I told my cousin that I found it interesting that once again they had chosen “god” over family.

This particular LDS family continues to demonstrate their lack of understanding of what the “unconditional” part of unconditional love means.

Beginning tomorrow, the United States Supreme Court will hear arguments on overturning (or sustaining) the Defense of Marriage Act, which dates from President Clinton’s term in office and California’s Proposition 8 which overturned marriage equality in the state of California (and which was to a great deal funded and pushed by the LDS church).

News reports today indicate that there has been a sea-change in public opinion over the last nine years, and that more than 53% of Americans now support marriage equality for  gays and lesbians. Most people now say they have a gay relative or friend, so apparently living in the closet helps no one.

I believe the rulings are not anticipated until June, so the next 2-3 months will be tense and a political hotbed. I can’t wait to see the tripe that will hit Facebook as those who want to maintain the status quo fight their losing battle via the social media.

An old mission companion and former LDS bishop, mentioned to me this week that he thinks the LDS church will have to change its policies on gays and marriage equality in the coming years. To quote him, “I think this will happen before women get the priesthood, unfortunately”.

He said that much of what is paraded about as “doctrine” is in fact, simply policy and is not based on anything more than cultural and passé contemporary bias.

We discussed how the church is on the wrong side of history and will have to adapt and change or run the risk of becoming irrelevant. He mentioned that the secrecy and whitewashing of LDS leaders’ and church history needs to change.

He cited how the former RLDS (Community of Christ) church has adapted with the times and mentioned specifically how they have been open with church history and simply shrug and say, “That’s the way it was; let’s learn from it”.

We discussed my own homosexuality, excommunication and other related topics and he said that he felt that I was still a missionary — albeit for a different reason than perhaps I knew. He also said that our excommunication was “really mishandled”.

While I had previously noted that this man was somewhat liberal in his thought, I was surprised to hear just how liberal he is — and a real example of unconditional (and could it be? Christlike) love.

ADDENDUM: One of the things mentioned in the conversation was that he felt that the church’s Proclamation on the Family needs to be “quietly retired”. He said that it is an embarrassment to the church and will be seen as such in the future.

Today marks our 25th Anniversary together.

I still love this guy with all of my heart.

Us in April 1988

I arrived this morning for my 2nd trip to Brazil this year. I’m here for a full three weeks this time because my honey and I are taking off the last half of March for vacation and I won’t be able to be here again until April.

On that note, we are celebrating our 25th anniversary on March 17th and have planned a trip to Prague to visit an historical and storied city that neither of us have yet visited. When I posted that fact on Facebook, every single comment was positive about what a great choice Prague was. Good to know!

We are also planning a big celebration for our family and friends at the Salt Lake Marriott City Center in July to celebrate both our anniversary and my honey’s 50th birthday (Note that we have been together exactly half of his life — and just slightly less than of mine). This will be a large occasion that we wanted to share with all who wish to attend.

When I mentioned that the U.S. Supreme court may actually have cleared the way for us to marry by then, he actually commented, “That would be so cool. Wouldn’t that make a nice surprise announcement!”.

I agree.

The Salt Lake Tribune had an interesting story this morning regarding married LDS couples and what happens when one of them “loses faith”.

We work with a few people in this situation, so I was interested in reading the article aloud to my partner as well and we discussed it in that context.

The gist seems to be that when one’s family, work, social and spiritual lives are centered on a single fulcrum and that fails, it seems to be difficult for the remaining “faithful” spouse to remain devoted to a relationship based solely on that same fulcrum.

However, when the relationship is founded on love, support, friendship and devotion to each other — and not just on common religious beliefs — there seems to be less inclination for separation and even more motivation to strengthen the bonds and move forward together.

I would guess that the aforementioned “crisis of faith” will only become more common in the future as the LDS church continues to lose formerly stalwart members to doubt, unanswered questions, historical research and publication, common sense and a general “wake up and smell the coffee” moment.